Archive for July 2000

Penmanship

Friday, July 21st, 2000 – no comments

At my primary school, you wrote in pencil until you reached grade four. At some time during that year, your teacher (mine: Miss Webb) would present you with a Pen License. Only those who held a Pen License were permitted to write in pen (the instrument of grown-ups). Only they were able to make their letters permanent.

Pen Licenses were not dispensed like toilet paper. Holders were expected to exhibit a certain level of maturity (after all, one could not erase what one had written), but the main criteria was the handsomeness of your letters.

All students were taught the same, government-mandated alphabet; Pen Licenses were only granted to those who formed their loops just so, whose ascenders and descenders ascended or decended the right and proper amount, whose letters came out neatly, one after another, placed neatly on the baseline, and not in clumps. It was a difficult thing to get right.

A Pen License was not to be taken lightly. It could be revoked at any time. Do you know how it feels to write in pencil after writing in pen?

There was a temptation for those newly liscensed to slacken off. The Pen License had required weeks of work, of intense concentration, to attain. And that effort had taken a toll. Now one wrote quickly, sloppily, not as neatly as before. Some became arrogant and smug, flaunting their inked letters in front of their pencil-using friends. They were the ones who quickly found themselves with pencils once again.

I was reminded of all this because tonight I’ve been working on my lettering. My “N” is truly awful. The second vertical line departs at an angle not-quite-vertical, before bending upwards. (That is, somewhat like the profile of an erect penis.) And my “D” is an ugly, mis-shapen beast. (The “D” is an important letter. It’s the first, scene-setting letter of “Dear”, as in “Dear Zoe”, “Dear Nanna” or “Dear Sir”. So it must be got right.) Other unsatisfactory letters include the “B”, “E”, “G”, and (especially) “k”. My “C” was a little screwy too, but I think I fixed it.

I am not sure what to do about my “a”. I presently have two ways of doing it. Where I can, I write it like a printed “a”, a small loop with a handle above it. But in some positions this is inconvenient, so I revert to writing it like a cut-down “d”.

(Those who expect stories to have endings should read Jack London’s The Sun Dog Trail.)

I missed some: Clem, Clay.

(Thanks to Michele, who also suggested “Cleathhiff”. I think this was supposed to be funny. We were not amused.)

Names That Start with “Cl”

Saturday, July 15th, 2000 – no comments

The homepage of a Clive, Clint, Cliff, Clarence, Claude, Claus.

My father sent me McSweeney’s #4 from Boston for my birthday. I typed in this story because it’s both short and good.

July 13th

Thursday, July 13th, 2000 – no comments

As she set off for Madagascar, Rebekah “the Org” Jude appointed me to Team Blorg, a crack unit set up to keep her weblog humming. So I’ll probably be posting there soon, once I find something suitable.

Oliver, who is down from Brisbane for the hols, complained that these pages contained no mention of last Thursday’s outing. But Oliver, what is there to say?! We went to the Shrine, where we were treated with extraordinary kindness by the ex-Servicemen manning it. We ate a late lunch at a stunningly expensive cafe. (At the other end of this street, as it happens.) We shopped a little, and wondered if two guys looking for clothes was sort of, well, gay. And we released a red balloon from high in Diamaru which was received (to our great disappointment) with nothing but nonchalance by those in the courtyard below.

On Sunday I saw Ghost Dog (for the second time) with Trevor and some others. Afterwards, we adjourned to Trevor’s cable modem and downloaded some XTC. (On Saturday night, Moby was programming Rage, and one of the songs he chose to play was XTC’s “Senses Working Overtime.” I had only been tenuously acquainted with XTC before this. He also played a clip of David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing “Little Drummer Boy” from behind a piano (complete with “pa-rum-pa-pum-pum”s), which was one of the stranger sights I’ve ever seen.)

(Trevor, just so you know, is in the process of setting up a bestiality legalisation club.)

First Name Fun

Wednesday, July 12th, 2000 – no comments

The homepage of an Alfred, Wilfred, Manfred, Winnifred.

The homepage of a Faith, Hope, Charity, Grace, Patience, Joy.

First Name Fun

Wednesday, July 12th, 2000 – no comments

The homepage of an Alfred, Wilfred, Manfred, Winnifred.

The homepage of a Faith, Hope, Charity, Grace, Patience, Joy.

International Voicemail

Tuesday, July 11th, 2000 – no comments

When in Tel Aviv, call 03-6321989 and leave a message for 61*08730!
When in Riyadh, call 01-4080997 and leave a message for 61*08730!
When in Lisbon, call 21-272-3216 and leave a message for 61*08730!
When in Stockholm, call 09-52-53-53-7 and leave a message for 61*08730!
When in Bangalore, call 80-6991125 and leave a message for 61*08730!

(Non-weird-ass cities are also catered for.)