# Area Man Finally Finds Time to Update Webpage

Area Man Finally Finds Time to Update Webpage

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA–After several days of inactivity, long-time net
resident Michael Stillwell, 23, finally added more content to his site a
little after 9pm last night.

“It had been, like, three days without an update and shit,” Stillwell
said, soon after he unveiled the new material. “I’ve been really busy
with other things, but, yeah, I know that’s really no excuse. I just
hope no-one’s deleted me from their bookmarks yet.”

This, it transpires, is one of Stillwell’s greatest fears. Though his
site is relatively small, he believes it has “upwards of ten” fans.
“These people, they’re going to, like, remove my site from their
bookmarks if I don’t produce quality new material every couple of days.
It’s a really fucked up situation.”

“There’s this constant pressure to stay up-vibe and interesting, to say
funny things,” he complained. “It’s causing me all kinds of grief and
shit.”

According to Professor Helen Pargeter, an expert in internet-related
stress disorders, this kind of stress is a relatively common phenomenon.
“Many people consider the popularity of their websites to be a measure
of their self-worth. The more hits they get, the better they feel about
themselves. Unfortunately, it is those whose sites have little or no
traffic to speak of who are the most susceptible to this malady.”