Lately

China Bar, Swanston St.

Is anyone bothered by Mao being used in this way? Should he be made out to be a portly, iconic, inoffensive, figure of fun?

It only recently occurred to me that some people might find this sort of thing in poor taste; since then I’ve asked around and not found one—even people from mainland China seem to be okay with it. Why is this? Why is the architect of the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution celebrated like this? Is no customer ever offended?

(I don’t care terribly much, I just find it odd. (Imagine Hitler in his place!) Perhaps Warhol is to blame.)

Andrew K. lent me his digital camera. I haven’t done very much with it, but last night I took this picture.

A bigger version (1024×768, 161k).

My M. Comp thesis (pdf, 821k).

My favourite quote at present:

“Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.” — Theodore Roosevelt

In some year, I don’t know when, but definitely quite a long time ago indeed, Scotland became part of England. This might have had something to do with King James. Anyway, the point is, Scotland didn’t exist properly for quite a long time. Throughout this whole period of not existing the Scots whined and whined about their situation until, in 1997, Scotland got given its own parliament by Tony Blair. Ripper. Scotland, as an almost-country, also has its own cricket team, soccer team and soft drink that tastes remarkably like Creamy Soda despite being bright orange.

So, that’s Scotland. The following are stories that have recently appeared on the front page of the the BBC’s page of Scottish news. They are impeccably newsworthy all.

William’s university fails quiz challenge
“The Scottish university won the contest in 1983 and a university spokeswoman said this year’s performance was no reflection of the future prospects of the team members.”

Asian market cheers whisky producers
“Taking this into account, they said a more representative figure would be that from June 2000 to June 2001, which puts volume up 8% and value up 6%.”

Irish played ‘major role’ in Scotland
“A leading historian has claimed that the Irish made a far greater contribution to Scottish society than they have been given credit for.”

University counts cost of fire damage
“Professor Sir Graeme Davies said that a substantial amount of research had been lost in the fire. But he stressed that students’ work will not be adversely affected.”

Ads boost for Scotch beef
“Quality Meat Scotland, the body which promotes beef, lamb and pork, says the campaign is needed as sales have continued to fall despite the excellent reputation of Scottish meat.”

McLeish reveals report card trauma
“Henry McLeish has revealed that an unfavourable report card from school marked a major turning point in his life.”

(To make sense of some of the stories you need to know that Henry McLeish is the First Minister of Scotland.)

P.S. I do love Scotland dearly. The reason I am occasionally reading Scottish news stories is that I want to go live in Edinburgh next year. Scotland really does have character; it’s those interfering southerners at the BBC who make it seem not so.

P.P.S. For good Scottish reading, visit Nine.

Coincidentally enough, the day after the newswires report that Cambridge University is testing their students’ Bee Gees knowledge, Dad finds a nicely bound volume of all the exam papers given at Cambridge University between Michaelmas Term 1899 and Easter Term 1900.

I’ve been flipping through it all day. (Yes, I’ve been reading exam papers for enjoyment.) This is the English Essay component of the “Previous Examination” (I can’t figure out what this is, exactly–is it the entrance exam?):

Thursday, March 22, 1900. 1–3½.

ENGLISH ESSAY.

Write an English Essay on one of the following subjects:

1. English country life in the 18th century.
2. The battle of Blenheim.
3. The character of Rachel Lady Castlewood.
4. Duelling.

They want a two-and-a-half hour essay on “duelling”? (Rachel Lady Castlewood is apparently a character in The History of Henry Esmond, by Thackeray.)

This is from the “Law of Contract and Tort” exam:

5. Under what circumstances is a principal liable for torts which his agent has committed?

(a) Whilst a lady was paying her bill in a butcher’s shop, one of the assistants removed a leg of mutton from a high hook and threw it across the shop to another assistant. It struck the lady and spoilt her dress. The master had given strict orders that joints were never to be thrown. Can the lady sue (1) the assistant, (2) his master?

(b) A boy steals a ride behind Z’s carriage; and Z’s coachman, on finding out this, whips at him. To avoid the lash, the boy jumps off; and, as the carriage was going rapidly, he breaks his arm. (1) He and (2) his father sue (a) the coachman, (b) Z. Consider these four actions.

From “Elementary Anglo-Saxon”:

6. Turn into Old English:

1. Sussex, Canterbury, London, men of Wight, York.
2. A certain woman came to Christ, and prayed for her daughter.
3. How many loaves have ye?
4. Then answers the godfather and says: ‘I renounce the devil.’

I often find myself thinking miniscule [sic], trivial thoughts for tens of minutes at a time. Is this normal? (I don’t mean petty thoughts, I mean thoughts not only inane, but stupefyingly inconsequential in scope.)

One time in Prague (this is a few months ago) I walked across an entire bridge thinking only of how the tram drivers could appropriately be induced to drive the old–as opposed to the new–trams. That is to say, the entire trans-bridge walk (maybe five minutes) was spent devising, considering and solving the faultlessly extraneous- to- my- life problem of how the drivers of old trams ought to be recompensed. (I think I ended up with something completely obvious, like an auction.)

I’m pretty sure thoughts like this occur to me often; I only noticed this one because it was neatly marked out in time by the end-points of the bridge. Do you ever lie in bed for an hour, or half an hour, only to get up to the realisation that you can remember nothing at all of the thoughts that had been merrily morris dancing their way through your head?

I saw Memento last night, which was rather good, although the ending is a bit of a rip-off in a Sixth Sense-ish kind of way. (I didn’t think Memento’s stunt was quite so forgivable.) The funny thing is, after seeing the movie (which has Guy Pearce as a guy who uses annotated Polaroids as a substitute for the short-term memories that he can no longer form) I went into Borders, found the Sylvia Plath Journal that I had been looking for, then, after pottering around a bit more, carried it through the security thingy and out of Borders. The alarm didn’t go off, and I only remembered that I hadn’t paid for it as we were paying for parking. Weird! I’ve never done this before. (I went back and paid for it.)

Dessert recommendation: Nata de Coco. It’s cubes of white, semi-transparent “coconut gel” (it doesn’t taste of coconut) in syrup. You can get it in Asian grocery stores, packed in cans or jars. Very yummy. Mix it with canned fruit and crushed ice.

I missed a sign:

United Nations Plaza
CLOSED
12 Midnight to 6AM
Everyday
Except to through traffic
(A copy of this rule may be obtained
from the director’s office, department
of public works, City Hall.)
Alcohol consumption and
camping are prohibited
without a valid permit.
SF Park Codes Secs. 4.12 and 3.12

– United Nations Plaza, San Francisco. [Many homeless people hang out there.]

20/1

It snowed in Cambridge today, but that wasn’t the most noteworthy event of the day: my bike got nicked! At 2:45 I left my (hired) bike just outside the entrance to Magdalene College (pronounced “maudlin”; Caius College is pronounced “keys college”). At 3:30 it was gone, stolen (I later found out) by two snot-nosed kids as I was inside admiring the Pepys library.

This is my first run-in with crime. At the hostel in Barcelona, in just about every room, someone had been pick-pocketed. Scott, in my room, had his wallet lifted by a hash dealer who’d pushed up against him as he made to demonstrate how he’d sustained a soccer injury. (This experience lowered Scott’s opinion of hash dealers. Previously, he told me, he’d held them in high regard, since they were the providers of an important and necessary service. But this side-line they have in petty crime didn’t go down well.)

Cambridge was fun. I stayed there for 10 months when I was seven, so I went back to the flat where I stayed, checked out the trees I’d climbed (now unclimbable–they’re covered in vines), and rode my red bike (with nifty front basket attachment) a few miles down Maddingly Road to Coton, the village where I’d gone to school. I was a little sorry I only remembered these places about as well as if I’d studied pictures of them–I didn’t remember anything new, or get any new sensations. The colleges are grand, and pretty. It would have been nice to study somewhere similarly august. But, no regrets: I’m 24, that should be quite enough to start “producing.”

I’m kinda getting into Madonna’s “Music” album. I heard most of it in a bar in Amsterdam and I have to admit that there, at least, it “worked.”

Misc. travel notes:

1. You see a lot of nuns in Spain.
2. Many Spanish women dye their hair, often inappropriately.
3. You see a lot of people on in-line skates in Paris.
4. Dog turds are common, in France, and Spain.
5. The French for “SALE” is “SOLDES.”
6. There are many motor scooters in Spain, and many bicycles in Amsterdam.

I go to Prague in a few hours.

Everything’s gone to hell and I’ve been boring lately, so here’s the contents of my wallet:

Cards

1. One Monash University Identity Card, with bad photo.
2. One American Express Card, linked to my parents’.
3. One photocopy card, unsigned.
4. One Telstra “Smart” Phonecard. Bears cartoon drawing of bunny rabbit. I don’t think this has any more calls left on it.
5. One Commonwealth Bank Keycard.
6. One International Student Identity Card, with old photo. I don’t know why this is here, I don’t need it anymore.
7. One “Driver Licence”, number 51968326.
8. One 3RRR subscriber card. 3RRR is a public radio station.
9. One card, green, indicating that I am a member of the Monash Co-Operative Bookshop. This item is in poor condition; it is made of cardboard and is slightly larger than a standard credit card.
10. One “Monash Fitness Gym” membership card, expired.
11. One Community Chest card: “You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $10.”

Cash

1. $2.95 in coins–1 x $2, 3 x $0.20, 2 x $0.10, 3 x $0.05. [I heard this line on "Duckman" last night as I was flipping by: "When I was a kid, it took five quarters to make a dollar."]
2. One $10 note.
3. One $1 note. This one is a US dollar.

Receipts

1. One receipt from Coles Supermarket. I bought “O/M DRINK 2L” and “1960 MILK DY”. These two items came to $3.93, I paid $5.00 cash and received $1.05 in change. (Australia has no one or two cent coins; rounding was involved.)
2. One receipt from Borders Books and Music. I bought a “PERIODICAL”–Colors Magazine–which cost $10.00.
3. One receipt from the Monash Sports Centre. I paid $55.00 for a three month gym membership.
4. One receipt from Monash University. I paid a library fine of $35.30.

Miscellaneous

1. One slip of paper with the number (202) 328-2000 written on it, in my handwriting. I don’t remember anything about this. Is 202 the area code for Washington D.C.?

Answer TRUE or FALSE:

1. 91 is the first number that looks prime, but isn’t.
2. In the game “Rock, Paper, Milk”, milk beats paper and rock beats milk.
3. There is good hiking to be had in Hong Kong.
4. The “Diet of Worms” was originally devised as a cure for the Plague.
5. Ulysses is at least ten times better than Hercules.
6. The “Pride of Hamtramck” is a steam engine.
7. This would have been funnier if there were more than seven questions.

Things I did today: I joined the gym.

(My limbs are sore.)

Things I overheard today: I heard a guy say to a girl, “I really like your last name. I’m completely serious. Your last name is fucking unreal.”

(I do not know what the girl’s name was.)

Things I saw today: I saw a guy walking down the street bearing a white card that declared his willingness to tell five jokes in return for a dollar.

(One joke involved a walrus going to a Tupperware party to pick up a tight seal. Another involved a girl with a bruise on her forehead; the girl and her boyfriend were doing it “doggy style”–she ran under the house and knocked her head on a beam.)

Another thing happened today too, but I’d rather not talk about it.

So the other day, me and my bro got ourselves comfortable and rewatched Rocky. And you know what? It’s one damn fine motion picture.

It’s easy enough to make fun of Sylvester Stallone now, what with Rocky I, II, III, IV, V; Rambo I, II, III to his name. But in 1976 Rocky was all there was–and Rocky was good. (Written by Stallone in three days, shot in 28; total cost $1.1 million. Result? Best Director, Picture Oscars; nominations for Best Actor, Actress, Screenplay … $117 million at the box office.)

It has a story, it has characters, it has grit. And then there’s that scene where Rocky and Adrian slip and slide around the ice-rink, Rocky talking without pause, Adrian saying close to nothing, the rink manager’s shouts announcing the time remaining minute by minute … that’s good, that’s very good.

“I lost that fight, but it’s a good picture, don’cha think?”