LATELY — 13 December 1999

Area Man Finally Finds Time to Update Webpage

Area Man Finally Finds Time to Update Webpage

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA–After several days of inactivity, long-time net resident Michael Stillwell, 23, finally added more content to his site a little after 9pm last night.

“It had been, like, three days without an update and shit,” Stillwell said, soon after he unveiled the new material. “I’ve been really busy with other things, but, yeah, I know that’s really no excuse. I just hope no-one’s deleted me from their bookmarks yet.”

This, it transpires, is one of Stillwell’s greatest fears. Though his site is relatively small, he believes it has “upwards of ten” fans. “These people, they’re going to, like, remove my site from their bookmarks if I don’t produce quality new material every couple of days. It’s a really fucked up situation.”

“There’s this constant pressure to stay up-vibe and interesting, to say funny things,” he complained. “It’s causing me all kinds of grief and shit.”

According to Professor Helen Pargeter, an expert in internet-related stress disorders, this kind of stress is a relatively common phenomenon. “Many people consider the popularity of their websites to be a measure of their self-worth. The more hits they get, the better they feel about themselves. Unfortunately, it is those whose sites have little or no traffic to speak of who are the most susceptible to this malady.”