LATELY — 4 April 2000

Making Like a Weblog

Allow me to make like a weblog for a moment:

Holy FUCK! Check out what’s hap­pened to McSweeney’s! This is terrible! We must do something. Someone needs to round up the well reg­u­lated Militia, and fast.

Some ques­tions that have been both­er­ing me:

  1. Did the USA give France any­thing in return for the Statue of Liberty? (Note: Re­sponses that begin “Well, one June day in ’44 …” will not be accepted.)
  2. Are donkeys ac­tu­ally good for any­thing these days?
  3. Should you make a special effort to do your hair nice when going to the hairdresser, even if you just got up and they’re going to mess with it anyway? I mean, will they take more care if they see that you care? Or should I just not care whether they care or not?
  4. Should I drop a ridicu­lous amount of money for a decent digital camera? Es­pe­cially when the same amount of money would buy an ex­cel­lent SLR. Alternatively, is it really im­por­tant that I have a digital camera?

(Wild) tips and predictions:

  1. China will prob­a­bly be a democ­racy by 2015. At least by 2020. It will be rel­a­tively peace­ful (as was the case with the U.S.S.R.) and Taiwan will not be involved.
  2. “they” will become the ac­cepted gender-neutral third person sin­gu­lar pronoun. “s/he”, “he/she” and “he or she” are too awkward. And there’s no chance of a new word being adopted. English has not adopted any new pro­nouns or prepo­si­tions for centuries. (Meanwhile, those who gra­tu­itously use “she” in places where the sex of the ref­er­ent has not been es­tab­lished will con­tinue to shit me. I never did assume you were re­fer­ring to a male; your attempt at mental jujitsu is not appreciated!)
  3. The coming decade will be known as “the naughties” if any­thing at all.
  4. The “www.” prefix will dis­ap­pear from URLs within two years. It shouldn’t really take this long, but people who should know better are drag­ging their heels.

Music suit­able for a Sunday morning:

  • Natalie Merchant, Tigerlily or Ophelia.
  • Joni Mitchell, Tur­bu­lent Indigo.
  • The Par­adise Motel, Flight Paths.